How to defuse a conflict

Conflicts occur wherever several people are involved, thus including the workplace. It goes without saying that conflicts at work are almost inevitable; however, it is possible to transform them from a critical issue into an opportunity.
In order to understand how to defuse conflict, it is first necessary to think deeply about its meaning, and only after recognising and understanding it can the most suitable strategies be put in place to find a solution.
First, when we think of conflict, perhaps the first thing that comes to mind is the image of people arguing. In reality, conflict encompasses a much broader set of dynamics than extreme situations such as raising your voice or exchanging insults: being in conflict may simply mean having different ideas on the same issue. The problem arises where, when conflict occurs at work, important feelings and sensations come into play, such as the desire to feel respected or needed within the corporate team. This is why it is very important to change perspective about conflict, looking at it not as an insurmountable obstacle but on the contrary as a valuable opportunity for confrontation and personal and professional growth, as well as an opportunity to contribute concretely to the success of the company in which one works.

Conflict management at work can only start from the origins and recognition of conflict. The causes that trigger it can be many, one of the most common being a difference of opinion or point of view, whereby one’s own position prevails. Conflicting priorities, lack of clarity, perceived unequal treatment and disagreements of a political and social nature, whereby one refuses to work together with someone who thinks and acts in a certain way, can also be the roots behind the emergence of conflict.

A limiting approach, however, is to regard conflict as an obstacle or otherwise a problem that should not exist. On the contrary, conflict is an opportunity for confrontation, a way of putting different points of view on the table that should be managed, but not annulled.

Proper conflict management therefore does not aim to avoid differences, but to facilitate confrontation and debate, so as to reach a mutually satisfactory solution. For this to happen, focusing on the actors in the conflict is an indispensable step. Indeed, all of us, when we enter a workplace, have experiences on our shoulders, which constitute our cultural, professional and emotional background. Since we are all different, precisely by virtue of our past experience, it is absolutely normal that disagreements may arise; the key to resolving them, however, lies in considering this heterogeneity an asset and not a critical issue. That is why one of the most effective methods of managing conflict is to value diversity and practise empathy, seeking a shared goal, which can be, for example, the good of the company. To be concrete, if one is about to launch a new product, it is important that each member of the team makes a contribution. Differences of opinion can arise at this stage, which in turn can form the basis of a possible conflict, but if one remains focused on the final goal – the success of the new product – obstacles can be overcome by valuing each individual contribution.

Maintaining an assertive attitude is also fundamental to understanding how to manage conflicts at work, because it means expressing direct and honest communication that, it is true, focuses on one’s own thinking, but at the same time leaves the other the space and opportunity to state one’s position transparently. In other words, if I feel free to say what I think and what I want, so must others.
A discussion can also be carried out by establishing preliminary rules, such as always letting another person finish the discussion or not raising one’s voice: this way the confrontation will be more constructive.
Good conflict management at work, as well as in personal relationships, as we will see in a moment, also presupposes the exercise of active listening, a form of participatory listening that could be called ‘listening with the heart’ and that aims to make one’s interlocutor feel welcomed and understood.

It is essential to start from the assumption that the roots of conflict lie in the personal relationships of the people involved.

It often stems from the fact that we forget about diversity and expect that from a verbal or behavioural stimulus others will react as we would react. And this triggers a conflict between people’s needs, interests and expectations.

In some situations, to manage conflicts in personal relationships, including those that develop in the workplace, external help can also be sought, which takes the form of a mediator.

In the case of disputes with legal implications, Legislative Decree 28/2010, in establishing an alternative method of dispute resolution, has provided for the mediator, a third and impartial figure, whose role is to accompany people on a path towards a shared solution that can lead to overcoming the cause that generated the conflict.

In this sense, the mediator’s role is empowering because through the exercise of active listening, impartiality and empathy he or she accompanies the different persons involved in the conflict to read the situation according to their mutual point of view, a path that is articulated so that each person can feel heard and valued in his or her uniqueness.

The Conflict Management training program, which is aimed in particular at entrepreneurs, freelancers, team managers and area managers, is structured as a step-by-step course to accompany participants towards a new view of conflict, viewing it precisely as an opportunity. The contents of the course focus on recognising the origins of conflict, on the actors involved, examining their role, their experience and their perception and, lastly, on the methods and tools for managing conflict in the best possible way, in which active listening plays a fundamental role.