Dealmaker and Dealbreaker: a practical guide to choosing the right people in your life
Take a look at your room: who really occupies your inner space?
Discover how to map the presences in your “mental room” and begin your journey toward relational awareness
arrow_forwardBook your italian edition of "Who's in Your Room?"Every relationship leaves a mark inside us. Some inspire us, others drain us. But how often do you really stop to observe who inhabits your inner space? In this article, we explore the third chapter of the journey inspired by the book Who’s in Your Room?, guiding you through a powerful exercise of relational awareness: honestly looking at who is already in your room. It’s a crucial first step in building intentional relationships aligned with your values.
The power of self-observation: why it’s important to know who you've let into your room
Ogni giorno interagiamo con decine di persone, ma solo alcune occupano davvero il nostro tempo, la nostra attenzione, le nostre energie. La metafora della stanza ci aiuta a fare ordine: immagina che ogni persona entrata nella tua vita sia ancora lì, presente in qualche modo, a influenzare il tuo benessere, le tue scelte e persino il tuo futuro. Il primo passo verso una maggiore consapevolezza è osservare, senza giudizio, chi c’è attualmente nella tua stanza mentale.
Qual è l’energia della tua stanza oggi?
We interact with dozens of people every day, but only some truly occupy our time, attention, and energy. The room metaphor helps us create order: imagine every person who has entered your life is still there, in some way influencing your well-being, choices, and even your future. The first step toward greater awareness is to observe, without judgment, who is currently in your mental room.
What Is the Energy of Your Room Today?
Have you ever wondered what kind of atmosphere reigns in your inner space? Is it noisy, chaotic, full of complaints? Or perhaps silent but lacking stimulation? This exercise helps you understand who occupies your thoughts, who constantly grabs your attention, and who remains in the background—still present nonetheless.
Types of closeness: not just physical, but also emotional, mental, and digital
Not all presences in our lives are visible or physical. We can recognize different levels of closeness:
- Physical closeness: Family members, colleagues, friends you see frequently.
- Constant attention demands: People who call or message you often, even online.
- Recurring presences: People you thought you’d moved on from but who return in your thoughts.
- Emotional ghosts: People who are no longer around but still influence you with memories and conditioning.
A Practical Exercise: Draw Your Room
Grab pen and paper. Draw concentric circles, placing yourself at the center. Position the people based on how much mental space they occupy today—not how much space you think they should take. Add colors or numerical codes if it helps you visualize better. The goal is not to judge, but to become aware.
Practical tools to start your relational inventory
Here are some guiding questions to help you map who’s in your room:
- Who comes to mind often?
- Who do I respond to immediately?
- Who do I tend to avoid?
- Which names evoke anger, resentment, or pain?
- Who occupies space only through thoughts, dreams, or emotional reactions?
Alternative Methods to Begin Your List:
- Sort your contacts by origin (family, work, social media, community…)
- Use the alphabet: write names for each letter, then assess their mental closeness
- Explore your contact list or social profiles: how many relationships are still active and meaningful?
The weight of the sunk cost fallacy: why we stay tied to worn-out relationships
Sometimes we struggle to “let go” of certain presences simply because we’ve invested time, energy, emotions. This is what economists call the sunk cost fallacy: staying attached to something only because we’ve already spent too much. But keeping dysfunctional relationships just to avoid “losing the investment” can cost far more in the long run. It takes courage to let go—but it’s worth it.
Unforgettable memories: why you can’t fully erase those who entered your room
Neuroscientific studies confirm: memories don’t simply fade with time. They remain etched in the brain even when we think we’ve forgotten them. We cannot erase the past, but we can learn to manage it. Most importantly, we can choose to bring forward a more adult, aware, and responsible version of ourselves in current and future relationships.
Expand awareness: observe your room daily
Like a journal, this exercise can become a daily practice. Two simple questions can guide you:
- Morning: Who is close to me today? What emotions do they evoke?
- Evening: Who influenced my day? In what way?
These observations, day by day, will help you create a more authentic relationship with yourself and others.
Learning to see who’s in your room is an act of self-care. It’s a gesture of responsibility and love. The more you become aware of who occupies your inner space, the more you can choose relationships that nourish, inspire, and support you. Start today: observe, take notes, reflect—because your room is the most precious space you have.
Go deeper into this transformative path and learn how to build intentional relationships!
Visit the Who’s in Your Room? section.
You’ll find tools, workshops, and training programs to bring clarity to your room and foster more evolved relationships.
Start your journey toward a more fulfilling life today!
The choices you make today shape the life you’ll live tomorrow.
Don’t wait! Your ideal room is waiting for you. Start building it now.
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